Ching Ching Ching...

Jackpot. There was a time in South Africa when there wasn't a National Lottery. There were a few scratch and sniff cards making the rounds but nothing quite like the gambling culture we've created in the last ten years or so. I think it has something to do with desperation and poverty that makes South Africans do things like stay up all night at casino's, wet themselves to not have to get up from their machine and use the bathroom, or (and this one is my personal favourite) have long, detailed discussions about what they would do with the money if they won the lottery.

I always put that conversation in the "I don't know you well enough/Like you very much to invest in this conversation" file. Its was always nicely wedged between comments about the weather and comparisons in traffic stories. I must be getting old or boring or both because I jump at the chance to tell the harrowing tales of rush hour traffic. I haven't quite made it past stating the obvious when it comes to the weather - 'it's hot/it's cold/it's windy' - but I have no doubt that I will one day where my rightful crown as a classic cliche, crying in girly movies and obsessing over my health. All the while stuffing another processed white, sugary, bready thing into my mouth.

But my point is that tonight, there is a jackpot looming of R45 million. The cues are going to be long. Get in early. Now, of course I'm going to play. I always play when the stakes are huge and I always believe that I am going to win when I play because that is what we evolved folk called 'positive thinking.' The amount is so inspiring that I even entertained a little chatty chat about what I would do with the money. It was a brief chat mostly because the short answer is - I don't know what I would do with the money. Sure there's the obvious, houses, family, cars, selected friends, holidays and resigning from all mandatory tasks including work. It got me thinking about just how big we do actually dream.

Seems to me, we only entertain visions of a good life when the money comes easily. Doesn't require us to take any chances, make any sudden moves or even believe in ourselves enough to turn dreams into realities. We're limited. And we like it. We're helpless. And we choose it.

What if you entertained every lottery daydream as a fact? I don't think we do because we're not really sure we want what we say we do. Oh and the fact that you only want what you can't have. So if it seems you can have anything, turns out - we don't want very much but the tiny lives we already lead. What an Oprah moment huh?

Here's what I think, play the lottery like you're going to win and even if you don't - have your hearts desire anyway. That's what I'm going to do. And just for the hell of it... 17, 4, 26, 49, 47, 32