South Africa Defined

While standing on my balcony the other night, watching the Greenpoint Stadium in all it's glory, lighting up the sky with a glow that is nothing short of spectacular, I couldn't help but wonder what it's really going to be like during the World Cup? Admittedly I hadn't given it much thought till then, while moving to my new flat, I didn't give the 300 000 visitors a thought, not even a casual one. I'm sure it's going to be madness, people crowding, vuvuzelas sounding triumphantly in the distance and little me, in my Corsa Lite, trying desperately to get to work and back without injury. This might be a gross exaggeration but only time will tell.

So while conversing with fellow colleagues, the subject of the impending tourists came up and we all expressed excitement and a smidgen of fear. But of course, in this office, one cannot get away without a joke being told and unfortunately the tourists were the butt of this one. With a devilish grin one colleague said, "I'm going to tell all the attractive (that is clearly edited) women who come here that I used to wrestle Lions" and I as I laughed I came to a shocking realization, would there be tourists who would actually believe that? No..... it couldn't be......

So to ease my mind about the misconceptions of the country I adore, I googled some questions that tourists ask about us and the honest truth is, it's not good. Here are some examples:

Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)

Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa? (Sweden)

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa? Can you send me a list of them in JHB, Cape Town, Knysna and Jeffrey's Bay? (UK)

Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa? (USA)

Q: Which direction is north in South Africa? (USA)

Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa? (UK)

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa? (France)

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in South Africa? (USA)

Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa? (France)

Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa? (Germany)

Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all year round? (Germany)

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can dispense rattlesnake serum. USA)

Q: I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? (USA)

Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)


Now with this list came a list of sarcastic and admittedly hilarious answers, however I feel that anyone can come up with a witty and insulting comeback but if you simply cant resist, join the facebook group, "Dumb Questions asked about South Africa" and check out the answers. And yes I kid you not, a group like that actually exists. My point, if I can come back to it, is that people actually ask these types of questions. One American guy asked my boyfriend if we had Google in SA. Yes.....that's all he said while slowing shaking his head.

I think that when we are on the world's stage a lot of misconceptions will be cleared up and people will realize what a great country we have and hopefully.....stop asking stupid questions.